Why is it difficult to say I love you to our parents?

"I love you", three words so short and yet so hard to say. This may be obvious to some, but for others, to confess one's feelings is a test. Especially when it comes to telling our parents. For Isabelle Filliozat, author of the book Je t'aime, je t'en want (Marabout, 2005), everything is a question of working on oneself.

Clémentine Mercier

Saying "I love you" to our parents ... The desire is there, but when the time comes, the heart is knotted and the words do not come out. Blocked, frustrated, we would like to finally be able to tell them these three little words so heavy meaning. "To say" I love you "is to enter into intimacy, explains Isabelle Filliozat, psychologist and certified psyptician. to dare to show the love one has for the other, but sometimes one may fear that the other in front is not ready to receive that. "

I love you but I blame you for it

So how to overcome this fear? For Isabelle Filliozat, "we can not say a" I love you "sincere to someone if we still want him, or if we do not love ourselves". Saying "I love you" is not that easy. The key? To know how to say "I want you" to say better "I love you". This involves taking stock of oneself and the relationship one has with one's parents. "If I do not know how to find the words, it is clearly best to keep quiet, better to see a psychotherapist with which I'm going to sort out, with whom I'm going to look at and heal my story.Too many people make the mistake of asking their parents to heal their own story, but that does not work. "

A risk to take

But then, why do children come to tell it so easily? "When one is very small, there is not this same consciousness of what the other lives. So there is also school, where we are told to say "I love you." We are educated to tell our feelings to our parents, but do we also It's one thing to say "I love you" to your mom when you're a child, but when you're an adult, at 30, 40, or 50 years old ... dare to say I love you at this age can be much more difficult because it is a much greater risk taking.

It's worth the risk, though, "It's important to be able to say it," says the psychologist "If I can not say a real one, I love you to my father or my mother. probably that I can not say it either to my children, neither to my spouse, nor to myself especially! "

" I love you ", a tender word and source of balance between parents and children ."Finally, Isabelle Filliozat concludes, when we say" I love you "to our parents, it's as if we could say" I love myself "in the relationship with you".

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