Talk about sex with our teens

Discussing sexuality with one's child is taboo. Today, however, there is urgency. Because they live in a world of hypersexual images and access to porn very early, teenagers are lost and prisoners of practices that mishandle them. Parents to guide them, without guilt or intrusion.

Bernadette Costa-Prades

A few facts gleaned randomly from discussions in recent months: a 15-year-old teenager, surprised while giving a blowjob to a boy in the toilets of a college in the 16th arrondissement of Paris, no did not understand, in front of the stupor of his mother, where was the problem. A 15-year-old filmed his sexual relationship and put it on the Internet, "to laugh," he says. Have our teens all become obsessed, exhibitionists ...? "No, they are only passing on the disoriented world they live in, which has created a new sexual order that no one is scandalized at, starting with the pornographic surge to which children have access more and more young, "indignant psychoanalyst Gerard Bonnet, author of Challenge to modesty (Albin Michel, 2003). The same is true of pediatrician Christian Spitz, "Le Doc", who answered for years to young people on Fun Radio: it is the porn accessible everywhere and very early that has changed the situation, and some teens consult today because they are surprised not to hold an erection for half an hour ...

Psychic risks

Banalized by the media and advertising, fellatio, sodomy, swingers are practices considered by many many teens as mere options for sexual behavior. That sexuality is not only a matter of technique, that it engages feelings, emotions, the unconscious, is a diluted message. Hence the fracture that can result from the violent shift between the play of bodies and the stakes of the mind and the heart ...

"Teens who remain to a purely mechanical sexuality act as if they disconnected from themselves, their emotions, observes the philosopher Michela Marzano, author with Claude Rozier of Alice in the country of the porn (Ramsay, 2005) In the end, all the practices are equivalent. is really satisfying. " Worse, the game can go wrong. This was the case for the son of Cécile, 42 years old: "The ex-girlfriend of my son, 17 years old, proposed to make love to three with his new guy.He accepted, finding even the Three months later, he found himself in the psychiatric hospital, in a fit of delirium, tirelessly repeating that he did not want to see how dirty the people were. " This testimony hardly surprises Sylvain Mimoun, author with Rica Étienne of Teens, Love and Sexuality, Boy Version (Albin Michel, 2001), gynecologist, andrologist and psychosomatician."The young person was able to live this experience as socially normal, but his unconscious mind was not ready: he was truly" effracted ", in the psychic sense of the term."

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