These men who no longer want to make love

Men also "have migraine". In want of desire, more and more of them are consulting a sexologist. They do not suffer from erectile dysfunction, simply, making love does not interest them. How to explain this drop of libido?

Bernadette Costa-Prades

"When a couple consults me for a problem of desire, I do not risk turning to the woman to ask:" Since when, madame? "" Sylvain Mimoun confides with a smile. Because this disorder, long feminine, has won the men. "Maybe their women complained less beforehand, says the doctor sexologist.Maybe also men confused erectile dysfunction and loss of desire Before, when one of them told me that he had no more desire, by investigating a little, I realized that he was especially afraid that his erection would not stay.Today, those who come to me have an erection, but they do not do anything about it. " The real desire disorder is there: with or without Viagra, making love does not interest them ... or more. Review of what can lead to this flight of desire.

A tyranny of so-called feminine values ​​

To explain this drop in male libido, the psychoanalyst Hélène Vecchiali denounces first and foremost a form of insidious violence: "Society values ​​women in a shameless way. , the consensus, to the detriment of what is sharp, sharp, sharp.It is asked men to develop feminine qualities, as if women had just and men all wrong! How to stay one when all that is constitutive of the masculine is considered brutal, aggressive, violent? How to desire with values ​​and words foreign to oneself? Women, however, have nothing to gain from this devaluation of male values. "They need to admire a man to love him, says the psychoanalyst.Need also to be desired, because they have to repair an imaginary double injury. : that of having disappointed their mother by not being the boy who would have filled her, to which is added the pain of having had to give up their father who preferred their mother.Women thus lose on both tables they live with men whom they no longer admire and who no longer desire them. "

The fear of meeting

Absence of desire does not always mean absence of sexual relation, as the psychoanalyst Jacques recalls. Arenas: "This is especially true for some of the young men, practicing sex mechanically, head and heart elsewhere.They are part of the generation raised with porn movies: they have a sexuality framed, specific expectations but are absent from the relationship.It is surprising to see that more and more young people rub shoulders with swingers clubs, attended until then by couples settled wanting to revitalize their sexuality. This practice reflects a loss of desire that must be overcome at all costs, with stimuli stronger and stronger. Then there is a certain saturation around an invading sexuality. However, desire always feeds on a little lack. "For the psychoanalyst, these relations not inhabited by desire are above all a way to protect themselves:" To have desire for a woman, to support the real affective and sexual encounter is exciting, but also disturbing, the man knows that he takes the risk of suffering. "A posture long reserved for women, a danger that he does not want to run.

Sexually demanding women

For centuries , only counted the pleasure of the male.Pastly bygone era: the man of today knows that it is not enough that he has an erection and an orgasm, but that he must give pleasure to his playmate However, some women establish a very vague border between access to enjoyment and the requirement of pleasure, sometimes harsh remarks can be devastating for the desire: "A sexual criticism is indelibly remembered in the memory of the man, he will remember it all his life ", This is how the fear of not enjoying his partner lurks behind many loss of desire. And that we see men turning away from a sexuality that puts them in danger.

A case of hormones

Any loss of desire should be the subject of a medical consultation, before any psychological investigation, advocates Dr. Ronald Virag, a specialist in male sexual dysfunctions. Indeed, in humans, desire is dependent on its testosterone level. It is present in the blood at a rate of three to twelve nanograms per milliliter. Below, there is a significant decrease in sexual appetite. Other biological parameters are also involved, including pituitary and hypothalamic hormones, as well as brain neurotransmitters (dopamines, endorphins, oxytocins ...). Add that some drugs inhibit the production of testosterone, those that contain prolactin for example. A hormone intake can then be prescribed.


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