Dare to be fragile

And if we stopped wanting to Any price be strong, powerful, perfect? To know oneself as weak, sad or vulnerable, not to hide it and to assume it, paradoxically dope our assurance. Here's why.

Hélène Fresnel

I can not imagine a second talking to my family about my sleepless nights, "says Antoine, the financial director of a printing press on the edge of burnout. socio-economic, which values ​​successful winners, strong and invulnerable, recognize its cracks is a real challenge.No place for the "magnificent losers" Leonard Cohen. We live in an angry society with fragility, confirms the philosopher and psychoanalyst Miguel Benasayag. A company with "Frankensteinian" dreams promising individuals strength through a robotic aesthetic, various prostheses and varied. But these dreams of omnipotence oppose the very principle of life. Our existence can not constantly unfold in power and extension. Someone who would never be able to go wrong would self-destruct. When we are at the cleat, in a permanent momentum, many things escape us. Our perception of others, of our environment, our capacity for reflection are diminished. "Projected forward, constantly active, we do not take the time to stop and observe what surrounds us.

To rely on its Faults

A fatal error, according to Miguel Benasayag, who assures that accepting and recognizing one's vulnerability can help foster self-confidence, and by relying on our flaws we can gain the realistic and concrete certainty that we have the internal resources necessary to face the situations that are imposed on us.First by drawing up an inventory, observing what happens to us as accurately as possible, he develops: "When we feel weakened we are forced to "unplug", to put ourselves in a withdrawal position. In these moments, we reconstitute ourselves, we rebuild and multiply our sensitivity: thought, the senses sharpen, become refined. "And if we blacken what we see?" It is not so serious: we are not obliged to live like lobotomized beings in the land of the Bisounours. "To consider the obstacles makes it possible to cross them better, to deny them leads right to the failure.

We are "The most vulnerable animals," says the psychoanalyst Marie Balmary, for her, the negation of fragility is the blindness and rejection of an obvious: we come to the world "unfinished", unable to move and we to feed, totally dependent on others.And then we spend a good part of our life consolidating ourselves, trying to strengthen ourselves, before trying to protect ourselves from our inevitable demise. If we deny this, "everyone finds himself alone with his false strength", in an overhanging position that isolates him from others. However, explains the psychoanalyst, "what force can not, fragility can: it is presence without threat to the other". It is by not overplaying the big arms that we disable the reactions of fear and mistrust, that we can bond and connect. To know how to be vulnerable, not to hide it allows to go to meet the others but also to ask for help. For the neuropsychiatrist Boris Cyrulnik, this ability is even one of the main factors of resilience in humans.

According to Lacanian psychoanalysts, fragility is what makes everyone unique. We carry within us flaws, and there is one of our own which works particularly hard. By recognizing it, we can stop thinking of ourselves as "good for nothing". From this singular wound around which we have blindly built our lives, we gain confidence in ourselves and in our abilities. Take the case of a young woman convinced to be uninteresting, to be a victim systematically humiliated in his romantic relationships. She finally realized that she reproduced indefinitely the relationship she had as a child, with her mother, who lowered her. Challenging this neurotic bond has opened up new perspectives for thinking and acting.

Cherishing his suffering

"The words, the family, parental discourse in which we bathe us" scribble. "They take us to the body, assigning us a place we have not chosen, details the psychoanalyst Marie-Hélène Blancard It can be a sentence, a few words, a childhood scene that has nailed us on the spot, then we have to agree to part with the suffering we cherish, we recognize ourselves in it. we are used to it. " And it has sometimes profoundly reached our confidence in us. "The job of living", to use the title of the newspaper of Cesare Pavese, will consist in cleaning up this painful point so that we can realize that it constitutes us, that we can not not to deny it and that we must even rely on it to build us. Our fault is our foundation.

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